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^BELLE'S^ HELL


 What's That You Say....????
 

Destiny's Child had a song called, "Say My Name". This title needs an add on....here is my contribution:

Say My Name(But Make Sure It's The RIGHT One)

Another name song: "You don't have to call me darlin'....darlin'....you never even call me by my name" (Probably a good thing if you can't keep it straight to whom you are speaking)

Know another name song.....Tell me about it....

QUESTION: Which is worse: Saying the wrong name, wide awake or in your sleep?

^Belle^ is taking a bounce, down to the river.... so I'll catch you later.

Later Ya'll...^Belle^
Posted by ^BELLE^ at 10:02 PM - 17 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 "Lost In The Wood"
 

There's a somebody I'm longing to see
I hope that he,turns out to be
Someone who'll watch over me
I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood
I know I could, always be good
Someone who'll watch over me

****************************

I remember as a young girl watching from the sofa as my parents danced around in the living room while Frank Sinatra crooned about having, "Someone To Watch Over Me".

Even though I was only a few feet from them, as they looked into each others eyes, they were all alone.

At that moment, I knew, I wanted the kind of relationship where after 15 years of marriage, I could still get lost in his eyes and the world would be our dance floor.

I was caught up in the warmth of love the two of them created.

My own union years later, would lack everything that my parents shared. I wasn't first on his list, but, that was okay, eventually he would realize that I was there. Thing is, I kidded myself to even imagine that I was on the list at all. Truth is, I wasn't. Something, or someone was always more important. And, that was okay. Eventually, he would realize that I was there. He never did.

In therapy, I am connecting the dots from my past to the present. Things from childhood associated with my grandmother,aunt and her daughter, never made me feel accepted. I was different. Not one of them you see because I was adopted. Someone's mistake.

A marriage to a man who never, ever saw or even acknowledged me,expept when he needed someone to beat the hell out of or emotionally/mentally belittle, and of course those times when I was required to fulfill my "duties" as his wife. And, beleive me, I do mean, REQUIRED. Even during those times, I wasn't there.

Still, I thought, if I can just be good enough or do enough, maybe, just maybe he will see there is actually a pretty nice person inside me. Maybe, he would see me. Maybe, I would be important to him. Maybe, he would even be the "Someone to watch over me". And maybe, if my butt wings I could fly!

A good portion of my life has been about trying to prove to people that I am NOT a mistake, or disposable. Not an easy thing to admit. In fact, I darn near choked as the words came up on screen. To that end, I have put up with alot.

I have accepted being last on the list, if I am even on the damn thing or not.

I have accepted being flipped on and off like a light switch.

I have accepted, sometimes with a breaking heart and broken spirit,BS that others throw my way, all the while holding my tongue and denying my true feelings.Not even acknowledging the hurt to my own self! I just resolve to be better. To do more.

Well, guess the hell what....? Not any longer. I don't have to settle. I don't have to turn a blind eye and pretend things aren't happening. I don't have to stick my head in the sand. I don't have to wear the rose colored glasses.

I am making peace with ME. I don't have anything to prove to anyone.

I may be, "lost in the wood", but, I'm not standing still, not waiting to be rescued.

At the top of my list is a new entry and it says:

ME.

Later Ya'll...^Belle^

Posted by ^BELLE^ at 8:56 PM - 2 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 DAY 1-Uncomfortably Numb Or SOMETHING STRONGER THAN ME
 

I'm numb. Yet, underneath the numb, are pangs. Pangs that will grow day by day, fester and swell, until they take on a life of their own. The thought scares me. Not because it is unfamiliar ground, but because I have traveled this road before and I know what to expect.

My insides stir and churn. Anger, shock and hurt trying to come to the surface, but, now is not the time.

I will struggle with the same old questions. Go through the same doubts,fears and insecurities.

I will once again ponder the question, how can people be so cruel, how do you just flip a switch...?

The urge inside me is to pick up the phone, send an email or text message. This too will pass. Time reveals all, and it has.

I know, in the days, weeks and months to come that I will need "something stronger than me".

Don Poythress/Donnie Skaggs/Michelle Little)

(c) 2006

Featured on Travis Tritt's - "The Storm" (2007)

I always took pride, standing on my own two feet

I never leaned on anyone but me

And I'm not braggin', but there's been times

When I've looked the devil in the eye and never blinked

But tonight, yeah tonight

I need something stronger, than I've got to offer

Don't know if I've ever felt this weak

If I'm gonna make it, without breakin' down, on this dead end street

I need somethin' stronger than me

I'm not much for drinking

But if it stops the ache in my heart

I'll try to drown it 'till the morning comes

And I'll try praying

God I'll try anything and everything I can

To keep from giving up

'Cause I know, Lord I know

I need something stronger, than I've got to offer

Don't know if I've ever felt this weak

If I'm gonna make it, without breakin' down ,on this dead end street

I need somethin' stronger than me

I need somethin'

Everything in me wants to pick up that telephone

Even though I know it's wrong

I need something stronger, than I've got to offer

Don't know if I've ever felt this weak

If I'm gonna make it, without breakin' down, on this dead end street

I need somethin' stronger than me

Somethin' stronger

I need somethin' stronger than me

Later Ya'll...^Belle^

Posted by ^BELLE^ at 11:30 PM - 13 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 SONG IN MY HEAD
 



Later Ya'll...^Belle^

Posted by ^BELLE^ at 2:12 AM - 9 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 6 WORDS
 

My stomach is in KNOTS bound together with a SICK feeling.
My head hurts.
There is a burning and heaviness in my chest.
Red flags all over the flipping place.
I can't sleep.
I can't eat.
I can't stay.
I can't go.
I can't think.
Or, maybe the problem is I think too much. Yes, that's it. I think too much about 6 words that go over and over in a never ending loop inside my mind and I can't stop them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am SICK. Sick to my very core.

Doubts and fears from the past,present and future seem to be my constant companions.

A part of me wants to say:

F--- it F--- it ALL!

I'm not strong enough, mentally or emotionally.

I am so, very,very confused. I don't know if I should paint my teeth or brush my toenails!

Today I have experienced every emotion you can have. Right now, I am in the RAGE STAGE.

I have fought......FOUGHT....the urge for the past 6 hours, to run away. Run away from everything and everyone. How easy would that be? VERY. I have over 25 years of experience in running away. Sometimes I ran away emotionally but most often, physically. I want to do both. I want to close my eyes and summon up the "Ice Princess" and let her kick ass and take names.

Do I want the Ice Princess back,uummmmm, probably.



Just had to get that out of my system. Now, perhaps, it is time to seek and find some solace.Lucky for me, I know just where to go.

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend.

Later Ya'll...^Belle^
Posted by ^BELLE^ at 5:19 AM - 11 Comments   Add a Comment  
 
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Author: ^BELLE^
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