My heart is heavy right now, because someone I hold in very high esteem,a beautiful woman that I cherish as a friend is leaving Blogstream.

PolarB brought fun, class,beauty,art,love, laughter,joy, inspiration and about a thousand other things to Blogstream.

There is a barren, dry spot in the stream.

In closing I have this to say:

If you don't like any of the lists here on Blogstream, then DON'T look at the blooming things! If it bothers you so much,go to another site.

I personally don't care where or if I am even listed.I didn't come here to be on a list...didn't know there was one.... I don't give a flip. Some people do (even those that would rather die than admit it). SO THE F**k WHAT.....????????

LIVE AND LET LIVE!

If you do like the list, then use them! If you don't,then DON'T! It is as easy as that.

If you have something to say about this post, then say it here in the comment section. Any PM's will be posted.

Love Ya PolarB.........

Later Ya'll....^Belle^

Your Wrestler Name Is...

Jade Sadistica

Your Linguistic Profile:

45% General American English 40% Dixie 5% Midwestern 5% Yankee 0% Upper Midwestern

This will NEVER do....only 40% Dixie.....

Later Ya'll...^Belle^

LETTING GO:
June 28,2007 will go down as a turning point in my life. I write this post with pounding heart, trembling hands and the occasional tear falling into my lap. But, you know what? It's okay. In fact, it is better than okay, and I say with conviction, "I'll be alright".

I am letting go of the need to pull people back into my life. Somewhere, in my mind, it said to me that I was not good enough, not worthy, disposable. I see things differently now. The loss is THEIR'S and not MINE.

I am letting go of the need to see everything through rose colored glasses.

I am letting go of the need to hear only what I want to hear.

It's been building for quite sometime, all roads leading to this moment, when I, without hesitation or reservation can finally let go. Not of a person, or emotions, but hopes and dreams that were always just out of reach and over the horizon. I am letting go of promises and beliefs. Letting go of the past, embracing the present and realizing that the future, never arrives. It is always a day away.

REMOVING REMINDERS:

I will mark the occasion alone, with only music in the background to keep me company. A huge,empty box waits in the dining room, ready to be filled with reminders:

An old cassette tape from 1995.
2 nuts.
5 old, dried rose buds.
Letters.
Poems.
Manuscript.
Photos.
2 Beanie Babies.
Book:Bridges Of Madison County
An old fortune from a Fortune Cookie-May 1,2000
2 Magnets
Sand Angel.
A small white pebble.
Mauve Marble Dolphin
2 Small candles.
Several pocket Calendars
Day Planner
Emails

Also in the box will be the lyrics to "Starting Now I'm Looking Out For Number One", and "What Might Have Been".

The thought started taking hold last week,though I, in search of another option,delayed it. Until today. Letting go and removing reminders will symbolize wiping the slate clean and a new start.

Once everything is packed inside, I will have a Whiskey Sour as I reflect back on the long journey that has brought me to this point. I'll shed years and years of un cried tears. Then, I will seal it and put it deep into my closet.

Removing visual reminders is easy, but, what do I do about the ones that are unseen?

Oh, well, like Scarlett O'Hara said, "I can't think about that now. I'll think about it tomorrow, 'cause after all, tomorrow is another day."

Later Ya'll...^Belle^

I can't sleep.Too many thoughts running wild in my mind. For once I am eager to see my therapist in a few hours. I have made amazing discoveries about myself over the past couple of weeks.

I have discovered that I am finished with running away mentally and emotionally. That is over and done. I only hurt myself in the long run, and one important rule of life is, there are people waiting in line to do that for you, so, therefore, no sense in doing it to yourself.

I have discovered that I CAN face the truth. You wanna know who the biggest liar in my life is....? ME. I have spent years lying to myself about first one thing and then the other. I refuse to see things that I don't want to see.

I have discovered that I am stronger than I thought I was. Much stronger as a matter of fact.

I have discovered that I can not only listen, but also HEAR what people are saying.

I have discovered that I WILL NOT allow myself to be jerked around.

I have discovered that I CAN stand up for myself.

I have discovered that when given a choice between sink or swim....I can swim rather than allow myself to sink. AGAIN.

I have discovered that I like me. I even LOVE me.

I have discovered that I don't have to settle for less than what I want.

I have discovered that life is a precious gift.

I have also discovered that I have wasted a lot of time being stuck on stupid. Refusing to see and accept what has been right in front of my face all along.

I have discovered that I don't have to apologize for my feelings. They are mine and I am entitled to them!

I have discovered that it feels darn good to rant and rave. To experience and feel my feelings rather than shove them way down deep inside and pretend they don't exist.

I have discovered that I MATTER!

I have discovered ME!

Do not pass go...? HA....HA....HA...HA....I JUST DID!

Later Ya'll...^Belle^