"Well, I'm shameless. When it comes to loving you, I'll do anything you want me to, I'll do anything at all...."
I have a confession to make. My name is ^Belle^ and I am SHAMELESS! That's right. You heard it here first. SHAMELESS, in all caps even!
"I have never let anything have this much control over me. I work to hard to call my life my own,and I made myself a world and it's worked so perfectly, but it's your world now, I can't refuse, I never had so much to lose......I'm SHAMELESS....."
A perfect day, to spend some much needed time with my handsome, sexy, Yankee Doodle Marine. Did anyone one else feel the earth move, or was it just me....?
Did I mention that he is also, sweet, kind,very romantic, passionate, sensual, erotic, and I am SHAMELESS for the man!
"...in all my life, I never found, what I couldn't resist, what I couldn't turn down, I could walk away from anyone I ever knew, but I can't walk away from you......"
I will never walk away from you Baby. The only walking I want to do is toward you and beside you.Forever and a day!
I have NEVER, loved, or been loved like this before. He is inside me in everything I say, think or do.
Soft, sweet kisses, grow quickly intense and passionate. With his lips against mine, I inhale deeply,wanting the very breath he breathes inside my body.
Almost jealous when he sleeps, because I can't go there with him.
Every dream I ever dreamed came true the night we met.
He is under my skin.
I am over the moon.
********************
Enjoy 3 of my favorite songs by Aretha.
(NOTE:The song, Helping Me Get Over You, was recorded with Lari White and not Lorrie Morgan)
I remember the first time I heard his voice over the radio. The very next day I rushed out to buy his debut album. I listened to it over and over. Something in his voice resonated with me. I have everything he has ever recorded and know every single song by heart. I have watched him perform live in concert 5 times.
Travis writes and sings from his heart and soul. In his song, Put Some Drive In Your Country, he sings, " I made myself a promise, when I was just a kid, I'd mix Southern rock and country and that's just what I did...."
I can't tell you how very many nights, it has been just me and the music of Travis Tritt.
ANYMORE:
"My tears no longer waiting, my resistance ain't that strong, my mind keeps recreating, a life with you alone...."
I guess this has to be my very favorite. One night in August of 1995, The Yankee and I were together when this song came on the radio. My emotions were at a fever pitch that particular morning and I was suddenly overcome with this feeling of everything slipping away or changing somehow. I had no way of really knowing at the time, just how soon or drastically they would change. I only had my intuition.As usual, it did not fail me.
I buried my head in his chest to try and hide my tears. He kept asking what was wrong, not believing for a minute my standard, "Nothing", answer. I couldn't and probably didn't want to put into words what I was feeling. So, I asked him to promise me, that one day, he and I would see Travis in concert. He would sing this song and we would remember this moment in one another's arms and the love we felt.
He promised and that time finally arrived in January of 2002. Things had changed a lot in the years since he made that promise, and some things, had also stayed the same. My walls and defenses were up at an all time high that night. A shift was beginning to occur in our relationship. One that I felt and sensed with everything inside me. Truth be told, I hadn't really expected him to accompany me to this concert until about 5 days before.
The Ice Princess melted away briefly during one magic moment in the concert. Travis took center stage, sitting on a stool with just his guitar. He began strumming the opening cords of, "Anymore". I leaned in closer to The Yankee as he took my hand in his.
"Do you remember back in 1995, when I asked you to promise me that we would see Travis together, he would sing this song and we would remember......"
"Yes. I remember that. Very well, and now here we are."
That was a bitter sweet night. Things went downhill after that.
CAN I TRUST YOU WITH MY HEART:
"I don't mind being swept away, if I know right from the start, what I really need to know is.....can I trust you with my heart....."
BEST OF INTENTIONS:
"I had big plans for the future, thought I'd give you the whole world somehow, I tried making good on my promise, thought I'd be so much further by now....."
Fall of 2001, The Yankee and I were once again together. He was holding me in his arms, kissing me tenderly, when this video came on TV, and he began to softly sing it to me. I always think of that moment when I hear this song.
IF I LOST YOU:
"Like a ship with no harbor. Like a bird with no wing. Like a fish out of water. A dreamer without a dream. I have learned about losing, I could lose most anything, but if I lost you, there'd be no sunshine, shining through. Don't know what in the world I would do....if I lost you....."
TELL ME I WAS DREAMING:
"Tell me I was dreaming. That you didn't leave me here to cry, you didn't say, you don't love me anymore, it was just my imagination telling lies, tell me that you didn't say goodbye..."
Many days and nights, from June of 2002- September 20,2004, I would listen to this song over and over. It was all just one big nightmare. I couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that it was over.
JUST TOO TIRED TO FIGHT IT ANYMORE:
"But the nights alone grew colder, than I ever thought they'd be, I spend every hour searching, for what you took out of me....."
That says is all.
HELPING ME GET OVER YOU:
"....my heart's hanging by a thread.....he's the only reason it ain't breaking. There's no forever in his eyes, it's not the love that we once knew, oh and it might be a sin, but tonight, I've got a friend, helping me get over you......"
This is a song me and Jack used to sing together. This is one of those songs that I connected and identified with, and would get totally lost inside it.
HELP ME HOLD ON:
"Help me hold on, to what we had, once our love was strong, it can be again. You said it takes two, to make love last, you were right all along, so help me hold on....."
More nights ahead of me to get through. Good thing I have Travis helping me hold on.
Hey, guess what...? I'm home! And guess what else...? I intend on staying put for a couple of days.
Since last Tuesday it has been, go,go,go. But starting now, it is, stay,stay,stay.
The funeral on Tuesday, sessions with my therapist on Wednesday and Thursday, errands on Friday. A jewelry party at my daughter's house on Saturday, followed by shopping for Mother's Day gifts. Sunday-church,family lunch,then making the Mother's Day rounds. Monday night, baby sitting the "grands" while Super Trooper took Princess out for a late Mother's Day dinner. Actually, it was really just an excuse to show off her new Mother's Day wheels.Super Trooper offered to take me for a spin before they left. He must be insane! Just the day before he was telling me about getting it up to 155 MPH! NO THANKS!! On Tuesday, a trip to Birmingham with Daddy( I don't have any fingernails left and my nerves are shot!!!!!)
So, for the next couple of days, I am going to piddle and putter around the house and catch up on all of your blogs.
Piddle and putter is basically the same thing. It appears that you are doing something, when you really aren't.
One of my favorite things to do these days, is to sit outside in the morning with a cup of coffee and watch the birds eating and drinking. I guess over the past 7 months or so word has spread about the abundant supply of bird seed and water over here. The Cardinals rule the roost! They are so much fun to watch and it is a great way to start the day.
After watching the birds for a while, I'll go inside and turn the radio on to the Rick And Bubba show while I fix myself something to eat.
Even though, I am trying to break away from my list,I still find myself going line by line through it, almost on auto pilot. If it makes any difference, I haven't been following it to a T. I have switched things around while trying to play catch up.
Things in my life seem to be falling in line. While I am amazed, at the same time it is also frightening. I keep waiting for the bottom to fall out. But, ya know what...? If it does, it does. Won't be the first time and I know from past experience that I can get through it if it does.
At least I am making and taking steps and I am happy about that. Finally I have put my life into drive! Even if you are reving and racing the motor,you will never get anywhere in "park".
I find it so very,very sad to observe or listen to people who live their lives in "park". My friend Bev is that way. For years I have listened to the same old, "Woe is me" story, listened to all the things she wants and needs out of life. But there is always something that stops her. And I have finally figured out what that is. It is HER! And I have been guilty of the same thing.
You can think about changing your life all you want...BUT....thinking ain't DOING! Looking at the "big picture", overwhelms me, so I have to break things down in manageable-doable steps. Some steps may not seem major to others. Don't worry about that. Do what YOU have to do. Have a goal and then have a plan. Then do something about it! Or, you can choose to be like my above mentioned friend and sit around wasting your life away, waiting on someone else to come rescue you, fix all your problems, or wave a magic wand. BALDERDASH!
How exciting to live your life in "drive". How very sad to pass those that CHOOSE to live their lives in "park", while they,wait, and wait and wait some more for the perfect opportunity or the perfect time to "go for it". Only to wake up and discover one day, that the chance and opportunity is GONE.
So, to all of you out there on the highway of life....BEEP...BEEP...! Ready or not....here comes ^Belle^, putting her life in drive and taking it to the limit!
Many Blogstream members are there
already! Quotes from members: "It's like blog lite!" -- "I like the instant
gratification!" -- "Stop spectating, get in the game!"
If you have not joined in, you are really missing out!
