I created this new blog as a place to vent, to rant and rave. In general, this is my place to have a hissy fit.

Over at my other blog, people expect humor or to hear about my latest "Lucy (Ricardo) Moments", but life isn't always funny.

For the most part, I've always done my suffering,struggling,crying and looking for answers alone.

I have opened up on my other blog about things that still haunt and scare me.

Last year I wrote something called, "Alone At The Table". I received a response from someone who told me that I wasn't alone at the table. A bit ironic considering who left the comment.

Right now I am trapped inside myself. Trapped between what my head tells me and what my heart feels. Trapped between putting myself out there again and stubborn pride. Or, maybe it isn't just stubborn pride, maybe it is self preservation.

Trapped between, love,want,need and the sound of silence. A silence that is so very loud,cold and callus.

A part of me can't believe that I am here, in this mental and emotional state once more, but, another part of me says, "I TOLD you so!"

A part of me wants to just shut down, crawl back inside myself and cry until there are no more tears. Another part is ANGRY! Make that DAMN ANGRY!!!!!!!!

A part of me is afraid. I don't know if I am strong enough to make it back.Again. How many times can I put myself through this? How many times can I lay my heart, mind,body and soul on the f'ing line, only to have it thrown back in my face.

How many times do you try, until you finally say, "I give up. I can't do this anymore."

Once more I took a leap of faith. Dismissing the voices in my mind that said, NO...NO...NO...NO...NO...NO...NO, choosing instead to follow my heart.

I decided last week, that this, Valentine's Day, was the make it or break it day. Looks like it broke.

And,SURPRIZE....SURPRIZE....look where it has landed me.AGAIN!

Trapped. Trapped within the sound of silence.