Does anyone think it's strange that a 40 something year old "Me-Ma", loves her some Kid Rock?

The opening lyrics of the song, "Picture", "....living my life in a slow hell.....", resounds inside me.

I am, and have been living my life in a slow hell....a Very slow hell.

In the last 48 hours, I have experienced just about every emotion there is.

After a very rough, but much needed therapy session yesterday morning, my whole body aches and my mind cries out for a little relief.

I am so flipping tired of this ^&^&%$$#%%%^&&^%$&^%$ roller coaster ride.

Last week and weekend was very telling in many ways and revealed it's own truth, which could not be ignored. I was able to connect the dots with many personal issues that I have.

For the longest time, I refused to allow myself to cry during a session. I would hold it all inside, and wait until I was back in my car.

Finally around October of last year, I did break down and cry. I dont remember making a decision to do so, they just appeared. At first, I was angry with myself for crying in front of my therapist. On the other hand, he was pleased, though, I didn't understand why.

He explained to me that it was a good sign, a very good sign, because it meant I felt mentally,emotionally and physically safe enough to let the tears flow.

For the most part, I have always done my crying behind closed doors and in private. Never, EVER, letting anyone see that I did in fact have feelings.

Most of the time I could control my emotions, or put them on hold, until I was alone, and you know what....that made me feel even more alone and isolated.

I might allow a few tears to roll down my cheeks from time to time, but NEVER, a full blown crying spell in front of others.

That changed one night in 2002. I was so very exhausted, tried of putting up a front, deeply hurt, wounded, feeling very lost.

I remember the moment, I remember where I was standing...I remember everything in vivid detail about it.

I was standing outside my car when a dear friend pulled up...the tires hardly came to a stop before he was out of his truck and running over to where I stood with my head down.

He opened up his arms, I stepped forward, the dam burst and the walls came tumblimg down. Years of unshed tears came forth, soaking his blue shirt. In that moment, for the first time in a very long time, I did feel safe.

In the days that followed, there would be many tears from years spent living my life in a slow hell.

Here is to a swift end to a slow hell.

Enjoy Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow singing, Picture.

Later Ya'll...^Belle^