At first I wouldn't admit it. I remember looking in the mirror after he hit me the first time, his hand print still across my face.

Who was this looking back at me? This isn't who I am! I grew up in a warm and loving home. In my world men didn't hit their wives and call them names.

I remember talking to a friend a few years earlier, listening as she talked about being physically abused. I shook my head, all the while thinking inside, "Why don't you leave?"

Why didn't I leave? I didn't leave because in that moment I told myself that he didn't mean to do it, that I pushed him to it, that he was sorry and it never would happen again.

I was wrong. He wasn't sorry and it did happen again. And again. Each time I told myself the same lie. I told myself it didn't matter and that I just needed to try harder.

Late one night he grabbed a large radio and thew it at me. I turned just in time for it to hit the back of my leg. The next day I could hardly walk. A few days later, it was a variety of colors, and I was still walking with a limp. That was Memorial Day of 1986. We went with our children to a mall in Atlanta and for some reason, I wore shorts. Maybe I wanted him and everyone else to see it, I don't really know.

Turns out that wasn't such a good idea, because as soon as we got home, he lit into me;

"You wanted everyone to know what a stupid bitch you are, didn't you?"

I had my daughter take a photo of my injured leg telling her I needed to show it to my doctor. She had no idea that her father had caused it. I still have the picture.

Nobody in my life knew what was going on behind closed doors.

I finally reached the point where I numbed myself to it all. With, pills, booze, food. I numbed myself so well, a friend started refering to me as the "Ice Princess".

I resolved to never, ever let him see any pain or fear in my eyes ever again. Many times, it seemed to be a game with him, see how long it would take to break me down and reduce me to tears. I never let him see it.

The physical abuse stopped one evening after a night out with friends in which I had been totally humiliated . Arriving back home, he insisted that I perform my "duties" and grabbed my arm.

I pushed him up against the wall. He tried to move, I pushed him harder, knocking a picture off the wall, my knee aimed and ready to catapult his balls where the sun didn't shine.

With my finger in his face, standing eye to eye, I told him:

"If you EVER......EVER...hit me again.....You better make sure you kill me grave yard dead....because if you don't.....I WILL KILL YOU."

I guess I made a believer out of him because he slept with the bedroom door closed and locked that night. He never hit me again, though a few years later, something I said didn't sit well with him and he came running up the steps into the laundry room threatening to, "Beat the hell out of me". I stood in the door, pointed my finger and reminded him: "TOUCH ME, AND I WILL KILL YOU. THERE WILL BE A MOMENT WHEN YOU AREN'T LOOKING, AND I WILL KILL YOU."

Emotional abuse is just as bad. It might not leave a mark on your body, but it certainly leaves one on your heart, soul and spirit.

Emotional abusers are adept convincing the victim that the abuse is his/her fault. Somehow, the victim is responsible for what happened.

Emotional abusers are manipulative.

Emotional abuse can take many forms:
Emotional abuse can take the form of:

Extramarital affairs

Provocative behavior with opposite sex

Humiliation and put-downs

Hypercriticism

Refusal to communicate

Use of sarcasm and unpleasant tone of voice

Unreasonable jealousy

Extreme moodiness

"I love you but..."

"If you don't shape up, I will..."

Domination and control

Withdrawal of affection

Belittling.

This consists of constantly making the victim feel inadequate and incompetent that the victim believes that he or she is exactly how the abuser sees him or her. It is unfortunate for a child to be consistently belittled as this would develop a feeling of severe insecurity and inadequacy. This would ultimately limit his or her potential.

Coldness and cruelty.

It is important that a person is surrounded by a loving environment in order to encourage mental, social and emotional health. A child who lives with parents who are not stingy with kisses and hugs would feel that the world is his playground. If the parents are detached and aloof, this would impair their children’s social and behavioral health. Cruelty, on the other hand, is an extreme form of coldness. The effects are severe. Sadly, the effects on children are severely devastating.

Harassing or terrorizing.

This is similar to belittling the victim. How ever, harassment takes the form of actions that are scary to the victim. Repeated exposure to the same actions could significantly lessen the victim’s capability of coping with stressful situations in the future.

Ignoring, isolating and rejecting.

Inappropriate control or extreme inconsistencies in rule and treatment.

Abusive relationships are characterized by extreme jealousy, emotional withholding, lack of intimacy, raging, sexual coercion, infidelity, verbal abuse, threats, lies, broken promises, physical violence, power plays and control games.


Emotional abuse is as damaging as physical abuse,

Abusive relationships get worse over time.

SIGNS YOU ARE BEING EMOTIONALLY ABUSED:

Being frequently humiliated, criticized, and undermined.
Feeling like you cannot discuss your problems with your partner or spouse.
Being constantly ridiculed for expressing your opinions.
Feeling like you are being isolated socially.
Having a limited access to places, resources and finances.
Having had your partner running up debts and leaving you to pay them off.
Feeling like you are in a pendulous relationship where your partner swings from being emotionally receptive and warm to extremely distant.
Feeling like you have to give in to sex to avoid an otherwise impending argument about it.
Feeling like you are trapped in the relationship.
Having had your partner throw away or destroy your personal stuff.
Having had objects destroyed.
Feeling afraid of your spouse or partner.

It is so sad when the one who is supposed to love and protect you, is the one you need protection from...be it physical...mental or emotional. They all leave a bruise on the heart.

Later Ya'll...^Belle^